Someone Please Tell Eli Roth to Stop Directing Movies

Call your senator and ask him to pass a bill in Washington that prevents Eli Roth from ever directing films again. Eli Roth must stop writing/directing films. That is all I ask.

Is Eli Roth as good a director as Hollywood pretends he is? His name is synonymous with horror, but is he even that good? I postulate that he isn’t even a decent director. He should quit the pretense and stop before he does any more damage to the great name of cinema.

My message to Eli Roth is simple: please, for the love of god, stop directing films.

A glance over his filmography un-earths a few things about Roth. His most active genre is splatter horror, a.k.a. torture porn. Roth loves to torture his characters. Swedish film director Ingmar Bergman loved to torture his characters psychologically, while Roth does it with a cheese grater to the shins for hours on end.

Torture porn is where Roth thrives. He hangs an actress upside down and naked, and brings another one in the scene with a scythe in her hands. The second later strips naked and lies beneath the upside-down actress. She then scrapes the scythe across the tied-up actress. Screaming, gore, and the occasional boob shot are commonplace with Roth.

What’s the difference between Eli Roth and Cinemax Late Night? After about 30 seconds, it becomes boring. Roth powers past criticism and allows the scenes to go on and on. Let’s not dwell on this aspect any longer.

So, what about Roth’s films? In Roth’s recent remake of Michael Winners’s 1974 film Death Wish, he pulled out the impossible. The original film wasn’t very good. Apparently, Roth thought he could do much worse, and amazingly, he did. So much so, that there are reports that original director Michael Winner is still rolling over in his grave.

In conclusion, I leave you with this very long quote of Roth venting on a critic after Hostel 2 flopped and the critic’s response:

“And did anyone read that absurd article by Lisa Schwartzbaum in Entertainment Weekly, about how she’d never watch a “Torture Porn” film? I think it’s time for her to hang up her critic’s pen. I mean, seriously, I hate to break it to you Lisa, but there is no such thing as “torture porn.” It’s a made up term, made up by people who don’t understand these movies, who are afraid to even watch them, and who feel some bizarre sense of moral obligation to warn the public about them, despite the fact they don’t watch them and never would.

Lisa Schwartzbaum has let others define for her what the films are – she admits that she’s never seen any of the Saw films, and that she never would. Well, why wouldn’t you? Because someone else TOLD you that’s what they were? Are you that weak minded that you couldn’t even decide these things for yourself? What makes me sick is her smug, holier-than-thou attitude, as if to say “I wouldn’t watch these films because I don’t enjoy torture!” Well, no shit lady, nobody does, but maybe these films are actually making a statement about torture.” Who doesn’t want to go watch an Eli Roth film right now?

Would you not watch Three Kings because there’s torture in it? What about Marathon Man? And are you implying that the millions and millions of people who do watch these films actually endorse torture themselves? No, it seems to me you’re directly saying it. Well, I have a suggestion: GET ANOTHER JOB. I’m not saying you have to like every movie made, but you do have to see every movie made if you’re going to be a critic, and watch them with a critical eye.

But you’re watching them with a prejudice, a prejudice that was decided for you not by the filmmakers, but by some jealous critic who probably wishes he had the balls to actually write and direct his own movie, but who never would because he’s too fucking chickenshit to put himself out there where anyone can take shots at him. It’s too bad, she doesn’t know what she’s missing. Which is why I’m thankful they have Owen Glieberman over there, who’s someone who clearly gets it.

You can read what the reporter wrote here. It is hard to have someone so boldly trash your art, but is this response even necessary? Where is the professionalism? Where is the understanding that not everyone will like your stuff? Criticism should be taken constructively, not lashed out against. Sometimes critics get it all wrong. Sometimes they are spot on in their analysis. This is how the world works. Grow up.

Do you like Eli Roth films? Let us know in the comments below!